When You Fall In Love Abroad, By Accident.
So I think this post is way overdue now and I haven't updated this blog in a while. I've had my fair share of ups and downs in my life with my love life, the one that clearly screams out is my past relationship that was of 6 years but I won't go into that, you can read up on our toxic relationship on my other blog 'CherrysLittleSecret', if you even care.But, no, I came here to talk about finding love abroad or in my case it finding me. This isn't the first instance this has happened to me, back in 2014 when I lived in Thailand, I met a guy from my part of London, we spent 2 days together never saw each other again, but it didn't end there, he pursued me for months via messages and phone calls, we got close, I fell in love, (well I thought I did), he was extremely fond of me, we made plans to move away together etc. but things changed we drifted he did try to rekindle us, but frankly I was fed up, (also who falls in love with someone they have literally only spent 48 hours with and shared a couple of kisses and held hands.) He was my pipe dream of what I wanted, but it wasn't realistic, I'm a realist and I knew from the beginning what I was getting myself into, it was him who was deluded, despite all this, I felt strong feelings, I told him I loved him (what I thought was love) but he never said it back and that's when I knew, I had to remove him from my life so that was what I did. For a long time I just couldn't be close to anyone anymore, he destroyed my perceptions of what love was along with every guy I had encountered until I met this one special person.
So I moved to South Korea back in April 2015, 23rd April to be precise and what I didn't know was in a few months time I would meet the love of my life, my soul mate as you will. It didn't start that way I tell you we met for the first time in August of 2015, I was at a bar this guy approached me we spoke and danced for a bit then that was it.Well until a few weeks later we met again at work funnily enough, our school visited his school for a school trip. Lol I am not sure I have ever told him this but when I walked into that room and he was just stood there, I was so drawn to him, he was so attractive and there was something about him I don't know like an air of mystery (lol it sounds cliché but it's true), I genuinely didn't want to stop looking at him, without looking like a stalker weirdo freak. Lol even the thought crossed my mind, theoretically what would it be like if we ever dated, but I dismissed the thought at the time I thought was absurd.
Now, if you know me well I won't approach dude's I am attracted to unless I have acquired that special type of confidence when drinking. I was so nervous to say hi, but somehow I really don't know how but, I said hi and we spoke a lot, I even found myself flirting with him like a school girl. Which also had the Korean teachers from my school asking me questions of how I know him and stuff, I guess it was obvious.
The following week we saw each other again because we had to split the kids in 2 groups to visit the place. He said he would add me on fb, but I decided to add him (with a lot of apprehension) because yes I was still really nervous, but I eventually told myself I'm overthinking it and just bit the bullet.
We messaged a few times back at the early stages it wasn't much we hung out and see each other around sometimes. We were not even close friends yet at this point, for me the turning point of all this really came when it was Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving). I went out to a bar and we ran into each other, we spoke a lot and decided to spend the next few days not sleeping and just drinking. We also shared our first kiss at this time, but I didn't take it seriously because we were drunk and sleep deprived so I brushed it off. Still the most memorable time I've had in South Korea. As time went on we spent longer and longer together he spent more time round my apartment, he started to stay over longer and longer and we were really close friends. I'd ask him advice about stuff and we would hang out watch football together, I'd cook us food, a days turned into like a week, it was awesome. I guess maybe around this time or not long after we were getting feelings for each other.
I've never told him this, but I developed feelings pretty early on, (the whole school trip when we met must've been when it was the beginning of something, maybe not love but something.) I guess I didn't want to recognise them, people always asked us too if we were a couple and I would always say no we were just friends which I felt really awkward about. Lol you could say I was in denial for a long time because I was scared, I loved his company and I thought no chance in hell will this incredible guy even see past me as a friend. I guess I was wrong, even when we grew closer and I sensed maybe there could be something more to our friendship again, but then I would quickly dismiss my silly thoughts, even my friends would pointed it out but I refused to believe it lol.The time it became a realisation was when I was getting close to other guys because we were both still single and I never wanted to make him feel as though he had to stay loyal to me we weren't dating. I remember this clear as day, he was drunk after work and he told me he didn't like it when I was dancing with a guy, I just thought it was drunk talk and didn't take notice. I did however stop, because yes we weren't a couple but I'm not a monster. We had a few awkward mishaps because I clearly wasn't on the same page, I still refused to believe he wanted more than friendship.
A few months following that which at the time was July (the month of my birthday) he asked me to be his girlfriend and then it fell into place, it took us a while, well me, because I'm an awkward S.O.B, when I say a while, I mean a whiiiiiiiiile, to be comfortable and more myself and be more girlfriend-y. He even gave me this extravagant birthday gift of roses and this cute bunny (we named him Gary the Anal Bunny) like I dunno how much more romantic and boyfriend-y you could get but I was still taking time to open up. It was still great but It took me a while to accept this dude wasn't gonna hurt me. All was great for a while, but me being me something else had to make me all weird and awkward and questioning...
So of course when you date someone, how do you know when is the right time to tell someone you love them? I fucked it up with the last guy and I vowed I would never tell a guy first again, If a guy wants to tell me then I know it's the right time. I felt it for so long but I was so afraid he wouldn't say anything (I seem to have a track record for guys doing that) or worse be like "I think it's too early to decide that yet." This ate away at me for months, to the point it literally was plaguing my thoughts and turning me insane. There was this opportunity I could have said it, but last minute I chickened out because I couldn't get these words to escape my mouth.
Now this isn't ideal but after a few hours of writing a message and hesitating to press send, I closed my eyes and sent it. I worried but I eventually got a response and all was right with the world. He waited to tell me in person the following week, so technically he still said it first and even then I was an awkward mess, but one filled with love, happiness and relief.So yeah it's possible for holiday romances and yes even possible for long distance relationships, the last guy we were a thing for about 2 years before we called it quits, but that was it, it was a thing, not a relationship not anything. I'm glad things didn't work out with the last guy because I found my best friend and my soul mate, I love him and I have no regrets coming to Korea, to think I was going to leave after one year for a guy I spent 48 hours with, but instead I changed my mind and stayed because of him, yes he was the reason I decided to extend 3 months and then join a public school. I couldn't leave him behind not after the bond we built.
That's the end of my story and we lived happily ever after, blah blah blah. THE END.
Cherry x
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